


Insanity

by Purple_fools_gold



Series: Broken Witches and Crown-less Kings [1]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: AU- everyone lives, AU- no one dies, F/M, Going by the movies, M/M, My own creations, No Smut, No real timeline, Thorins always a lightweight, Witches, sassy everyone, sorry - Freeform, sort of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-27
Updated: 2013-11-27
Packaged: 2018-01-02 19:34:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1060733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Purple_fools_gold/pseuds/Purple_fools_gold
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You're a poison."</p><p>"Then tell me, Master Dwarf, how are you all still breathing?"</p><p>"There's an antidote."</p><p>"Hmm. What is it?"</p><p>"I think the better question is 'who?'" </p><p> </p><p>While at his cousin Dain's, Thorin finds a Broken witch in his dungeons. She tells him that he needs her for his quest if he wants to succeed. She joins the Company, adding perils an defeating some, all while clinging to her own sanity. </p><p>*Previously posted under my old account*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The First Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> *The idea of the witches is entirely my own*

Thorin Oakenshield was pissed. Dain had not only refused to accompany him on his quest to reclaim Erebor, but had laughed and told him it was impossible. 

He stormed down the halls of his cousins home, going deeper and deeper into the ground. He passed by the doors to the dungeons, and stopped; a strange sound had come from there. 

Laughter. /Laughter/ from in the dungeons? He shook his head. He must be hearing things. He started to walk, but then he heard it again, a cackling laughter. Female, by the sound of it, he thought, and it wasn't happy, either. It sounded... Off. He started down the long hallway, curious.

He got halfway down before he heard it again. The laughter was followed by the sound of chains clinking together. "Thoooooorin," came a drawling voice. "Thooooorin,"

He paused, eyes wide. "How do you know me?"

"Ahh, so it is you."

"How do you know who I am?"

"Who doesn't know the King Under The Mountain... Who hasn't even got himself a mountain anymore!"

He walked forewords. He started looking in cells. "Where are you? /Who/ are you?" Each cell was empty. He came to the last one, the largest, at the very end of the hallway. 

"I'm right here." The voice said obviously. "Where else would I be? In a /regular/ cell?" She laughed. "Noo, Dain wouldn't risk that. Noo no no, but he doesn't know, does he? Mm, good thing he doesn't. Else I'd probably not be here. Talking to you."

Thorin reached the last cell. He peered into it. "What are you talking abou- GAH!" He jumped back as a face popped out out of nowhere. It was a... Girl? 

She cackled with laughter again. "Ohh! Ohh, you should've seen your face! Ahhh!" She was bent over with laughter, and sounded deranged. 

"Who. Are. You?" Thorin asked again.

She stood up, and he finally got a good look at her. She wasn't very tall, so not and elf. She wasn't a dwarf either, or a man. Or a halfling. That would mean...

"You're a witch."

"Oooh, he guessed it! Bravo, bravo, master dwarf!" She smiled, but it looked more like she was baring her teeth. She looked like some kind of feral animal. Her clothes were torn and dirty, her hair was coated in dirt and wild around her shoulders. It probably would've fallen halfway down her back, but it was so unkempt that it only fell to just past her collarbone. It looked dark brown, but Thorin thought he saw light blonde peeking through. She noticed him staring at her. "Hideous, aren't I? Yes, I'm not in the best shape right now." She looked him in the eye.

"I'll ask again. Who..." His voice trailed off as he stared at her face. She was covered in bruises and dirt and blood. "What happened to you?"

"What happened to me?" She looked at him angrily, then screamed, "What /happened/ to me?"

Thorin took a step back, but she lunged forewords and grabbed him by the front if his shirt through the bars of her cell. "What do you /think/ happened to me?! I fell down a goddamn set of stairs?! No!" Her accent seemed to get stronger as she talked.

"Let me go!" Thorin exclaimed, struggling against her. 

"I was captured from my clan by goblins! Goblins! And they tortured me! Then, your cousin comes along, and captures me /from/ the goblins!" She pulled him closer to her, so their noses were almost touching. Her eyes were crazed, blazing blue. "HE TORTURED ME TOO!" She screamed in his face. "HE TORTURED ME TOO! He-he tortured me... Too..." She let him go and stumbled back, shaking.

Thorin fell, tripping over his own feet. He looked over at the witch, who was sitting with her knees pulled up to her chest, her arms wrapped around her legs. She was muttering to herself. 

Suddenly she looked up at him. "You seek to reclaim Erebor. To become King Under the Mountain again."

Thorin stared at her. "How-?"

He was interrupted by her screaming again. This screaming was different, it wasn't anything intelligible. Se was simply screaming. She held her head in her hands and arched her back, falling over. The chains on her wrists and ankles clanked, but were drowned out by her screams. 

"Dain!" Thorin yelled. "Dain!!"

His cousin and a few other dwarves and a man came running down as the girl stopped screaming."Witch!" Dain spat. "What have I told you about keeping quiet?"

She took a few shuddery breathes and stood up. "I don't remember. I tend to not listen when you're telling me things."

The man unlocked her cell door and walked in, backing her into a corner. "Ah, hello." She said. "Haven't seen you in a while. Come to torture me again, Hurter?"

Hurter slapped her across the face. "Shut up!" He told her. "I don't want any of your wisecracks today."

She touched her cheek gently, then snorted. "Ha! Yeah, right!" She grinned madly. Hurter opened his jacket, revealing rows of knives and all sorts of torturous instruments. Her smile faltered for a second, and her eyes flashed up to Thorin. 

He stared at her, wide-eyed. "Thorin," said Dain, "Come and have dinner with me." 

Thorin got up and walked out with his cousin, the sound of the witches screams echoing in his mind.

 

"So, Thorin, you've met our special little guest." Dain said as they ate.

"Yes. She seems..."

"Insane,"

"Yes."

"That's because she is. She's like a wild animal. Horrible to look at and listen to, but once I get what I want out of her, it will be worth it."

Thorin stopped with his fork halfway to his mouth. "And what is it that you want?"

Dain smirked. "Witches like shiny things. Like gold. Find the clan of witches, find the gold."

"So you're torturing her for the location of her clan?"

Dain shrugged and took a sip of his wine. "More or less." 

Thorin sat there for a minute. "Do you really think you stand a chance against them?"

"Beg your pardon?"

"The witches. What army could stand against them?"

"Hmm... Hadn't thought of that." He shrugged again. "Oh well, it was a stab at nothing, I'll just have her disposed of."

"You'll kill her?"

"She's near death by now, anyways. It will be more merciful."

After nearly twenty minutes of silence, Thorin got up and left the table without a word. He walked down to the dungeons, where he hoped Hurter was finished.

He was lucky, the man wasn't there. He walked right up to the witches cell, in which she was lying in a crumpled heap on the floor. "How did you know about my quest?"

She lifted her head. "How indeed."

"No tricks. No riddles. How?"

She thought for a minute. "What do you know of witches?" Before he could answer, she said, "Not much, I bet. Do you know what kinda of witches there are?"

Thorin opened his mouth to answer, but she interjected again. "There's Syrens, Readers, Controllers, Prophetesses, Flyers, and /hundreds/ of other kinds. Most of us are combinations. Mixes. I happen to be a mix. I am part prophetess. I saw you. And your purpose." Thorin hadn't realized she had gotten up until she leaned forewords and their faces were close again. "And your fate."

Thorin swallowed. "And what exactly did you see?"

"You think I'm going to tell you?" She snorted and leaned back. "Yeah right. Can't do that, sorry mate."

"Why not?" 

"Because that would change it. Would change you."

"How?"

"Think about it. If you knew how, when, why, and by who's hand you were going to die, would you make the same choices as you would if you didn't know? No. You wouldn't. You'd live in fear. Constantly."

"I beg to differ. If I knew how I was going to die, I would take all the chances in the world. I would be invincible until that moment. I would do everything I could until then. Tell everyone everything I've ever wanted to."

She rolled her eyes. "Ugh. Save the emotional stuff for someone who cares. And, you're wrong. Your fate changes constantly. If I told you that you were going to die by drowning, say, /which isn't what I saw, so don't get excited/, and you went and jumped off a cliff, you wouldn't survive. Your fate would change the moment you decided to jump." 

Thorin said nothing. 

"Your fate changes with every decision you make. That's why I'm not telling you. However," She added, "I will tell you that you need me for your quest to be successful."

"What?! No!"

"Yep. Accept it." She spread her arms out. "You need me."

"No." 

She went up close to him again, tilting her head up towards him. "You want me." She said in a seductive voice.

"Ah. No, I don't."

"Then why did you come down here?"

"... To release you."

Her eyes widened. "What? Are you serious?"

"Dain means to kill you. You don't deserve that fate." 

A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. "Go on then. Open the door."

"I need a key."

"It's on the wall behind you."

Thorin turned around. "Oh,"

"Your cousins not one for... /thinking/, is he?"

Thorin didn't say anything, he just unlocked the door. He went towards her to break open the chains that bound her, but saw that they were already off her.

"He took them off me when he..." She let her voice trail off.

"Suppose that's why he's called Hurter and not Thinker."

The witch gave him a wry grin. "You'd better run."

"Why?"

"Because a witch has just escaped." And with that she shoved him to the ground and ran. Thorin stumbled up and ran after her. She was /fast/, he thought as he chased after her. 

As soon as they reached ground level, the witch whirled around and flung her hand out at him. "Sorry, mate." She said with that grin again. She flexed her wrist back and Thorin went flying through the air, slamming against the wall. He slid down and landed with a grunt.

The witch lingered for a moment, watching him start to get up, then fled from the hallway.

Thorin heard people shouting. "She's escaped! The witch has escaped!"

He tried to get up, but fell back down. "Oww," he moaned. He finally managed to get up, and limped over to where Dain was standing, dumbfounded. "I'll be going now, it seems you have enough to deal with without me as well."

Dain only nodded. 

Thorin left, and hopped on his pony. "Come on, girl." He said, patting her neck. "We've got a long ride ahead of us."


	2. Bag End

Bilbo Baggins sat down at his dinner table. He was just about to take a bit of fish, when a knock came at his door. "What? Who...?" He got up and opened the door. 

A girl stood there. "Hello." She said.

"Um. Hi."

"Are you going to invite me in?"

"Oh. Yes. Sorry. Please, come in." He opened the door wider and let her in.

She stepped inside. "So. No one else is here yet?"

"I- no. Why would-"

"Another will be arriving soon. Best be prepared."

"How do you-?" Another knock came at the door. 

Bilbo ran over and opened it. There stood a dwarf. "Dwalin. At your service." He said with a small bow.

Bilbo stared at him. "Um. Bilbo Baggins at yours?" Dwalin stepped inside. "Uh, do we know each other?"

Dwalin gave him an odd look. "No." He took off his cloak. "Which way, laddie? Is it down here?"

"I-is what down where?"

"Supper. He said there'd be food, and lots of it."

"'H-he said'? Who said?"

While all this was happening, the witch was hidden in the corner, trying not to laugh. She almost lost it when Dwalin was eating Bilbo's supper, but covered her mouth with her hand. Bilbo had quite forgotten about her. 

"It's just that, um, I wasn't expecting company." Just then, another knock came. 

"That'll be the door." Dwalin said. 

Bilbo opened it to reveal another dwarf. "Balin, at your service." He said with a smile and a bow. 

"...good evening." Bilbo said. 

"Yes, yes it is." Balin said, stepping inside. "Although I think it might rain later. Am I late?"

"Late for what?"

Balin turned around. "Oh, haha!" He cried when he saw Dwalin. "Evenin' brother."

"By my beard," Dwalin said. "Your shorter and whiter then last we met."

"Whiter, not shorter." He corrected. "Sharp enough for both of us." 

They both chuckled, and grasped each other by the shoulders. 

WHAM! The head-butted each other, then grinned and went to get more food, as Bilbo followed them around, trying to understand why they were in his house. "I like visitors as much as the next hobbit, but I do like to know them before they come /visiting./" 

It was then that the witch decided to step out. "Forgotten me, eh? How rude."

"Oh!" He squeaked. 

Balin and Dwalin turned to face her. 

"A witch?" Exclaimed Balin. "What might you be doing here?"

"Witch?!" Bilbo cried. 

"I was invited as you were," She answered. "Now. Would anyone care to get me some ale?"

The doorbell rang, and Bilbo went to open it. Two young dwarves stood there, and Bilbo made a distressed sound. 

"Fili," Said the blonde one.

"And Kili," said the other."

"At your service," they said together, bowing at the waist. 

"You must be Mr. Boggins!" Kili said happily. 

"Nope! You can't come in, you've come to the wrong house." Bilbo said, shutting the door. 

Kili pushed it back. "What?! Has it been canceled?"

"No one told us." His brother protested.

"Canceled? No, nothing's been 'canceled.'" 

"Well that's a relief!" Kili said and they pushed past Bilbo into the house. 

When the witch saw the two young dwarves, she sat up straighter in her seat on the table. "Well /hello/ to you two!" She said. 

They grinned, then looked confused. "Why're you here?"

"She was invited." Balin explained. "Here, help us move this in here, or there won't be enough room for everyone." They picked up the table the witch was sitting on and lifted it up. 

"Gah!" She cried out as she nearly fell off. "Watch it!"

They all laughed and tipped it to one side, so she toppled backwards and almost fell off again. "OI!" She yelled. "You all realize that I could turn you into worms if you piss me off enough!"

Their laughter faded and she hopped off, landing lightly on her feet. 

"Would you?" Asked Fili.

She shrugged. "Depends on my mood."

It was then that a large thud came from the hall. Eight dwarves had just fallen onto Bilbo's floor, and behind them stood Gandalf. Bilbo sighed. "Gandalf,"

The witch was enjoying all the commotion around her, and found Bilbo trying to tell the dwarves to put everything back rather hilarious. 

"Fili and Kili," Gandalf said as they passed by him. "Oin, Gloin... Dwalin, Balin," He started counting on his fingers. "Bifur, Bofur, Bombur... Dori, Nori, ah, Ori!" Bifur came up to Gandalf and said something in old dwarfish, and Gandalf said, "Yes, you're quite right." After he walked away, he said, "We appear to be one dwarf short. 

"He's late, is all." Dwalin said, standing behind him. "He travelled north, to a meeting of our kin. He will come."

The witches face fell when she heard Dwalin say this. Then she was pulled into the dining room by Kili, and sat down in a chair. Everyone was grabbing at food, chewing loudly, talking -shouting, really- and laughing. 

She had to admit, this was her kind of party. Crazy, out of hand, and no manners being used what so ever. No one even seemed to mind that she was covered in dirt!

Bilbo, however, was the opposite. He was freaking out, the dwarves were practically /destroying/ his house, and all of his food was gone from the pantry!

At the table, Gandalf seemed to notice the witch for the first time. "Who are...? Ahh. Yes." He cleared his throat. "Good to see you."

"Is it?" She asked taking a sip of her ale. "I've been told that I'm quite hideous at the moment."

Gandalf looked her over. "Perhaps if you cleaned up a bit-"

He was cut of by Fili standing up and walking across the table. "Who wants another drink?" He accidentally stepped in his brothers plate of food, and Kili hit him in the leg. Dwalin poured ale down Oin's ear horn, and he blew it out, drink flying out all over the table. 

"Ale on the count of three!" Bofur cried as they all raised their mugs. "One! Two..."

"Up!" Kili said, and they all threw their heads back and starting chugging their drinks. The witch joined in, ale splashing down her face. 

Nori burped loudly, then Ori gave an impressive one, then the witch burped loudest of all. They all cheered and applauded. 

"That is a doily, not a dishcloth!" Bilbo cried as Nori wiped his mouth. 

"But it's full of holes." Bofur said. 

"It's supposed to look like that, it's crotchet."

"Oh and a wonderful game it is. If you've got the balls for it." 

The witch snorted and bent over laughing. She stopped just as Bilbo cried out, "I don't understand what they're doing in my house!"

"Excuse me. I'm sorry to interrupt," Ori said politely. "But what should I do with my plate?"

"Here you go, Ori. Give it to me." Fili said as he grabbed it and flung it over to Kili. They continued doing this, Fili throwing plates to Kili, who threw them into the kitchen to Bifur, who put them in the sink. 

The witch was too busy dodging flying cutlery to realize what was going on until she heard the singing.

"Ooh, you hear that lads? He says we'll blunt the knives!"

"Blunt the knives, bend the forks!"

"Smash the bottles and burn the corks!"

"Chip the glasses and crack the plates  
That's what Bilbo Baggins hates  
Cut the cloth, tread the fat  
Leave the bones on the bedroom mat  
Pour the milk on the pantry floor  
Splash the wine on every door  
Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl  
Pound them up with a thumping pole  
And when you're finished, if they are whole  
Send them down the hall to roll!"

"That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!" They all finished, including the witch. Everyone laughed, until there was a knock at the door. 

"He is here." Gandalf said, and the witch seemed to pale a bit. 

The door opened to reveal Thorin Oakenshield. "Gandalf. I thought you said this place would be easy to find. I lost my way. Twice. I wouldn't have found it all if it weren't for the mark on the-" His eyes fell on the witch, and he stopped, his cloak half off. "What are /you/ doing here?"

"I was invited."

"By who?"

"Gandalf,"

"Did you follow me here?"

"No,"

"Yes you did. How else could you have-"

"No I didn't."

"I- yes you did."

"No. I didn't."

Thorin sighed. "Yes, you did."

"No. I didn't."

"Yes you did."

"How could I have followed you if I arrived here first?"

"But then how- oh, never mind." He scowled. "She's just trying to play mind games."

She grinned. "No I'm not."

"Stop it-" He opened his mouth, then closed it. "What /is/ your name?"

The dwarves all suddenly realized that not once had she said her name. 

She looked at Thorin for a long time before finally answering, "Zephira. Zephira of the Mäläi clan."

"Just how do you two know each other?" Dwalin asked her.

She kept looking at Thorin. "We met in the Iron Hills." She gave him a wry grin. "Should I tell them exactly how?"

"Zephira-"

"I was captured by your cousin, Dain."

"Don't-"

"He tortured me for the whereabouts of my clan."

"Dain did?" Balin asked, astounded. 

"Not him exactly. He hired a man." She closed her eyes, then opened them. "I never told. He was going to kill me, but your leader here saved me. I suppose I owe him a debt."

"I don't want anything to do with-"

She stood up suddenly. "I offer you my service." She said, bowing at the waist. "I will accompany you on your journey."

"No-"

"Uncle Thorin," Kili said. "A witch would be very handy to have on our side. With her /and/ Gandalf..." He shook his head, smiling. "There's no way we could fail. 

Zephira nodded. "I like him." She gave Kili a smile.

Fili scowled. "There must have been a reason she was captured. She could be dangerous."

"Don't like you."

"Why should I care?"

"Ooh, feisty!" 

"Enough!" Gandalf said. He cleared his throat. "Bilbo Baggins, allow me to introduce the leader of our Company: Thorin Oakenshield."

"So." Thorin said, looking him over. "This is the hobbit. Tell me, Mr. Baggins, have you done much fighting?"

"Pardon me?"

"Axe or sword, what is your weapon of choice?"

"Well I do have some skill at conkers, if you must know... But I fail to see why that's relevant."

"Thought as much." Thorin said, crossing his arms. "He looks more like a grocer then a burglar." The dwarves and Gandalf all chuckled. They all sat down around the table again. 

"And what do the dwarves of the Iron Hills say?" Dwalin asked. "Is Dain with us."

Zephira stiffened in her seat, and Thorin took a deep breath. "They will not come." Everyone seemed to sink lower in their seats. "They say this quest is ours, and ours alone."

"You're going on a quest?" Bilbo asked.

Gandalf turned to him. "Bilbo, my dear fellow, let us have a little more light." Bilbo nodded and went off to get more candles. "Far to the east, over ranges and rivers, beyond woodlands and wastelands, lies a single solitary peak." He pulled a map out as he spoke, and pointed to a mountain. 

"'The Lonely Mountain'" Bilbo read, coming back with a candle. 

"Aye," Said Gloin. "Oin has read the portents, and the portents say it is time."

"Ravens have been seen flying back to the mountain, as it was foretold." Oin added. "'When the birds of yore return to Erebor, the rein of the beast will end.'"

Bilbo's eyes widened. "Uh. What beast?"

"That would be a reference to Smaug the Terrible." Bofur said. "Chiefest and greatest calamity of our age. Airborne fire breather. Teeth like razors, claws like meat hooks."

Zephira had started to smile, liking the idea of so much danger, and at the terrified face of Mr. Baggins. 

"Extremely fond of precious metals."

"Yes, I know what a dragons is."

Ori stood up suddenly. "I'm not afraid! I'm up for it. I'll give him a taste of dwarfish iron right up his jacksie!" 

"Good lad, Ori!" Nori said with a laugh, at the same time Dori said, "sit /down/!"

"The task would be difficult enough with an army behind us." Balin said. "But we number just 14. And not 14 of the best, nor brightest." 

"Here, who you calling dim?" Nori protested. 

"Sorry, what'd he say?" Asked Oin, who was part deaf. 

Fili slammed his fist down on the table. "We may be few in number, but we're fighters, all of us, to the last dwarf."

"And you forget we have a Wizard and a witch in our company!" Kili added. "They'll have killed /hundreds/ of dragons between the both of them!"

Zephira's grin grew bigger, but Gandalf said, "Oh, well, no. I wouldn't say-"

"How many then?" Dori asked.

"What?"

"Well, how many dragons have you killed?"

Gandalf coughed on his pipe smoke, but Zephira said, "I shot down a really big bird once. Thing was massive, at least 50 lbs."

A huge shouting fight broke out, until Thorin yelled something in dwarfish and stood up. Everyone fell back in their seats. 

"If we have read these signs, do you not think others will have also? Rumours have begun to spread. The dragon Smaug has not been seen for 60 years. Eyes look east to the mountain, assessing, wondering, weighing the risk. Perhaps the vast wealth of our people now lies unprotected. Do we sit back while others claim what is rightfully ours? Or do we seize this chance to take back Erebor?"

The dwarves all cheered, except for Balin. "You forget, the Front Gate is sealed. There is no way into the mountain." 

"That, my dear Balin, is not entirely true." Gandalf said, holding out a very large, and very old, key. 

Thorin stared at it. "How came you by this?"

"It was given to me by your father. By Thrain. For safekeeping. It is yours now." He handed it to Thorin.

"If there is a key," Fili said slowly, "There must be a door." 

Zephira rolled her eyes, but Gandalf nodded and pointed to the side of the map. "These runes speak of a hidden passage to the Lower Halls."

"There's another way in." Kili said with a grin. 

Zephira was about to say something insulting, but Gandalf cut her off. "Well, I'd we can find it, but dwarf doors are invisible when closed." He sighed. "The answer is hidden somewhere in this map, and I do not have the skill to find it. But, there are others in Middle-Earth who can. The task I have in mind will require a great deal if stealth, and no small amount of courage." He looked over at Bilbo as he said this. "But if we are careful and clever, I believe that in can be done."

Ori nodded. "That's why we need a burglar."

"Hmm. And a good one, too." Bilbo said with a nod. "An expert, I'd imagine."

"And are you?" Asked Gloin.

"Am I what?"

"He said he's an expert!" Oin cried. 

"Me? No. No, no, no. I'm not a burglar. I've never stolen a thing in my life."

"Well I'm afraid I have to agree with Mr. Baggins." Balin said. "He's hardly burglar material."

Bilbo shook his head. "Nope."

"Aye," Agreed Dwalin. "The Wild is no place for gentle folk who can neither fight nor fend for themselves."

"He's just /fine/." Kili said. 

They all started talking then, and Gandalf appeared to get angry. "Enough!" He cried, standing up. "If I say Bilbo Baggins is a burglar, then a burglar he is. Hobbits are very light in their feet. In fact, they can pass unseen by most, if they choose. And while the dragon is accustomed to the smell of dwarf, the scent of a hobbit is all but unknown to him, which gives us a distinct advantage."  
He turned to Thorin. "You asked me to find the 14th member of this company, and I have chosen Mr. Baggins." He coughed. "And Zephira, but that is another matter all together. There's a lot more to this hobbit than appearances suggest. And he's got a great deal more to offer than any of you know. Including himself. You just trust me on this."

"Very well." Said Thorin. "We will do it your way."

"No, no." Protested Bilbo. 

"Give him the contract."

"It's just the usual." Balin said, handing the hobbit the contract. "Summary of out-of-pocket expenses, time required, remuneration, funeral arrangements, so forth."

"Funeral arrangements?" Bilbo said. He walked away from the table, and the contract unraveled to be very long. He sighed. 

Zephira read over his shoulder. "'Terms: cash on delivery, up to, but not exceeding, one-fourteenth'- have to change that to one-fifteenth now- 'of total profit, if any.'"

"Seems fair." Bilbo said with a nod.

"'Present company shall not be liable for injures inflicted by or sustained as a consequence thereof, including, but not limited to lacerations-'"

"What?!"

"'Evisceration'"

"Dear god."

"'Incineration'... This seems fun!"

"Incineration?"

"Oh, aye." Said Bofur. "He'll melt the flesh off your bones in the blink of an eye."

"Huh." Bilbo whimpered. 

"You all right, laddie?" Balin asked. 

"Huh? Yeah." He breathed out heavily, hands in his knees. "Feel a bit faint."

"Think furnace with wings." Bofur added, standing up.

"Air." Bilbo said. "I need air."

"Flash if light, searing pain, then poof. Your nothing more then a pile of ash."

"Hmm." Bilbo said. He swayed on his feet for a moment, then straightened up. "Nope." He said suddenly and fainted. 

"Oh, very helpful, Bofur." Gandalf muttered. He woke Bilbo up and sat him in a chair with a cup of tea. As they talked, Zephira was trying to learn the dwarves names. 

"Ah, you would be... Goin?" 

"Oin." 

"Ah. Yes. This is too hard, I'm rubbish at names."

"What do you call people then?" Fili added. 

"I give people names based on their appearances." She stood up. "For example, you-" She pointed to Nori, "Are Dwarf With The Funny Hair. You-" She turned to Ori, "Are Dwarf With The Knitted Mittens." She went around, and gave them all 'names'.

Dori was Dwarf With A Beard Case. Balin was Old Dwarf. Dwalin was Bicep Dwarf. Oin was Other Old Dwarf. Gloin was Ginger Dwarf. Fili was Sexy Dwarf With A Beard, and his brother was Sexy Dwarf Without A Beard. 

Kili protested when she said this. "I've got a beard!"

"You've got stubble. It hasn't got the same ring to it."

"Call me something else."

"Fine then. Your brother can be Sexy Blonde Dwarf and you can be Sexy Dwarf With Shit-Coloured Hair, how's that?"

"What's wrong with saying 'brown'?"

"Everything."

"Well, it's either that or Dwarf With Elvish Weapons. I mean really, what dwarf uses a bow and arrows?"

"I do, and that's the worst yet!"

"Oh /fine/ then, you can be Sexy Pissy Dwarf." She moved on before he could protest again. 

Bifur was Dwarf With An Axe Sticking Out Of His Head, Bofur was Dwarf With The Big Hat, and Bombur was Fat Dwarf. He didn't particularly like that, so Zephira change it to Chef Dwarf. 

"And of course," She said, looking over at Thorin. "Leader Dwarf." She gave him a mock bow. 

It was then that they all heard Bilbo say, "I can't sign this. You've got yourself the wrong hobbit."

"It appears we have lost our burglar." Balin said to Thorin. "Probably for the best, the odds were always against us. After all, what are we? Merchants, miners, tinkers, toy-makers." He gave a small chuckle. "Hardly the stuff if legend."

"There are a few warriors amongst us." Thorin said with a small grin.

"/Old/ warriors."

"I would take each and every one of these dwarves over an army from the Iron Hills. For when I called upon them, they answered. Loyalty, honour, a willing heart. I can ask no more than that."

Balin stood up. "You don't have to do this. You have a /choice/. You've done honourably by our people. You have built a new life for us in the Blue Mountains. A life of peace and plenty. A life that is worth more than all the gold in Erebor."

"From my grandfather to my father, this has come to me." He held up the key. "They dreamt of the day when the dwarves of Erebor would reclaim their homeland. There is no choice, Balin. Not for me."

Balin nodded sadly. "Then we are with you, laddie. We will see it done." He gave him a pat on the arm.

Zephira stood by, listening. She pursed her lips, and walked away. 

Later that night, the dwarves began humming. Then Thorin began singing. "Far over the misty mountains cold  
Two dungeons deep and caverns old."

Zephira's eyes widened at the song. She knew it. She had heard it many times as a child.

"We must away, ere break of day  
To find our long-forgotten gold."

The other dwarves all stood up as well. "The pines were roaring on the height  
The winds were moaning in the night  
The fire was red, it flaming spread  
The trees like torches blazed with light."

She joined in on the last few lines, surprising everyone. When the song finished, she looked at Thorin. He looked back, and they held each others gaze.

He was the first to look away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how frequently I'll be posting chapters, because I've already written a lot, but I don't want to post them all in one go. I'll try for one every 5 days or so? Possibly 7?


	3. Insane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Company learns some new things about Zephira. Some things they didn't particularly want to know.

"I told you coming here was a waste of time." Dori said as they rode away from the Shire, without their burglar.

"That's true enough." Agreed Gloin. 

"Ridiculous notion. Use a hobbit? A /halfling/? Whose idea was it anyway?"

"WAIT!" Came a yell. "WAAAIT!"

Everyone turned around to see Bilbo running up the path towards them, contract in his hand. 

"I signed it." He said, handing it to Balin. 

"Everything appears to be in order. Welcome, Master Baggins, to the company of Thorin Oakensheild."

"Give him a pony." Thorin said.

"Oh, no, no, no. That won't be necessary. Thank you. I'm sure I'll be able to keep up on foot. I've done my fair share if walking holidays, you know? Even got as far as Frogmorton once. Aah!" He cried as Zephira lifted him up onto a pony. 

"Come on, Nori!" Oin called. "Pay up!" 

Nori tossed him a small bag if coins. 

"One more!" Said Kili. 

"Thanks, lad."

"What's that about?" Bilbo asked. 

"They took wagers on whether or not you would show up." Gandalf said.

"And you?"

He caught a bag in his hand. "I never doubted you for a second." He smiled. 

They rode on for a long time. After a while, Thorin called back to Zephira. "Why were you locked up in Dain's dungeons again? I seem to have forgotten." He hasn't, obviously, he just wanted to make her uncomfortable. 

She smirked. "I was a bad girl."

"No, really. Why?"

She saw what he was doing. "I was abducted by goblins. They... They Broke me, and Dain captured me from them." 

They were all silent for a long time after that. 

That night, then made camp up high on a range. It was quiet, until screeches came from far away. 

"What was that?" Bilbo asked.

"Orcs." Kili said softly. 

Thorin woke up as they screeched again. 

"Orcs?" Bilbo asked. 

"Throat-cutters." Fili said. "There'll be dozens of them out there. The lowlands are crawling with them."

"They strike in the wee small hours when everyone's asleep." Kili said. "Quick and quiet, no screams. Just lots of blood." 

Bilbo looked just about ready to pass out, when Kili and Fili laughed. 

"You think that's funny?" Thorin asked, angry. "A night-rade by orcs is a joke?"

"We didn't mean anything by it." Kili said, looking down. 

"No, you didn't. You know nothing of the world." He walked away, and stood out by the edge if the cliff they were on. 

"Don't mid him, laddie." Said Balin, walking over. "Thorin has more reason then most to hate orcs."

Zephira sat up, intrigued. 

"After the dragon took the Lonely Mountain, King Thror tried to reclaim the ancient dwarfish kingdom of Moria. But our enemy had gotten there first. Moria had been taken by legions of orcs, led by the most vile of all their race: Azog the Defiler. The giant Gundabad Orc had sworn to wipe out the line of Durin. He started by beheading the king."

Thorin closed his eyes, remembering the Pale Orc roaring as he held up the severed head of his grandfather ... Throwing it down, so it rested at Thorins feet...

"Thrain, Thorins father, was driven mad by greif. He went missing. Taken prisoner or killed, we did not know." 

Zephira sat back, his words like a blow to her chest. 

"We were leaderless. Defeat and death were upon us. That is when I saw him." He smiled up at Thorin. "A young dwarf prince, facing down the Pale Orc. He stood alone against this terrible foe. His armour rent, wielding nothing but an oaken branch as a shield."

Thorin opened his eyes then. He had cut off Azog's arm. That much he could take pride in. 

"Azog the Defiler learned that day that the line if Durin would not be so easily broken. Our forces rallied, and drove the orcs back. Our enemy had been defeated. But there was no feast, nor song that night, for our dead were beyond the count of grief. We few had survived. And I thought to myself then... There is one who I could follow. There is one I could call king."

All the dwarves had woken up now, and were staring at Thorin with newfound amazement and wonder. Many had not heard the tale told this way. 

"And the Pale Orc?" Bilbo asked. "What happened to him?"

"He slunk back into the hole whence he came. That filth died of his wounds long ago."

Balin and Gandalf exchanged a glance. 

They all had another one of their silent periods, everyone thinking about what they had just learned. 

Then, Ori spoke up. "Miss Zephira? What exactly does 'breaking' mean?"

Zephira looked up at him. "Breaking is when someone tortured a witch enough that she loses control of her powers and they implode on her. She is Broken, and her powers don't work as well as they did before. For example, mine don't work underground anymore." She stared at him intently. "They broke my mind as well. I'm sure you were all wondering that. Thorin, especially." 

No one said anything. 

She leaned in closer to Ori. "Do you want to know how they did it? How they Broke me?"

"Zephira," Balin warned. 

She acted like she didn't hear him, keeping her eyes on Ori the whole time. "They chained me up, hanging from the roof. They bled me. Like a pig. Slowly, waiting for my wounds to almost heal, before opening them again. They broke my bones, one at a time and multiple at once. Then they beat me. With fists and stones and weapons. They branded me with red-hot pokers, burned me." Ori started to look scared.

"Zephira!"

"Then they brought out the whips. They were thick and heavy, covered in shards of glass and metal to hurt more, to damage more." Her accent seemed to get thicker again, like it had in Dain's dungeons.

"Zephira!" Thorin shouted. "Enough!"

She whirled to face him. "He should know! They should all know what's out there! What they're up against! They know nothing of the world, you said it yourself! Well now I'm telling them."

She turned to Fili and Kili. "Do you know what they did that finally Broke me? What finally tipped me over the edge of madness? No? Come on, use your heads! Out of everyone, you two should know!"

"They killed someone." Kili said softly. "A sibling of yours."

She looked at him. "There you go! they killed my younger brother in front of me. Slowly and painfully. And he was no witch. He was a man! That's what pushed me over the edge. That's what made me who I am now. They tortured me after, too. Thinking I would be too weak to put up a fight. That I would give them what I wanted. But even then, I wouldn't give it up. I kept on fighting."

"Your life?"

"That. And my Fíor Ainm."

"What's that?" Bilbo asked. 

"My True Name. If someone knows a witches True Name, they have complete and utter control over them. They can make them do whatever they want. That's what they wanted. I wouldn't give it to them."

"What then? What happened after you wouldn't give it to them?"

She closed her eyes sadly. "Dain came." She said, her voice returning to normal. "And, well, you know what happened then." She walked away from the group. 

"No," Kili said, following after her. "You barely told us anything."

She turned to face him, eyes piercing bright. "He wanted to know the whereabouts if my clan. I refused to tell him. He tortured me. I still didn't. He thinks we have hoards of gold, hidden away with us." She took a step towards him, so their noses were all but touching. "The same sickness that overcame your grandfather is affecting him as well. He wants nothing but gold. It will affect the whole Durin line, if you are not careful." She gave him a wicked grin. "If it does overcome you as well, don't worry. I'll make sure to get rid of it." She leaned forewords even more, her lips almost touching his. "By any means necessary." 

He pushed her away. "You're insane."

Her eyes flashed. "I AM NOT INSANE!" She shouted at him. "NEVER CALL ME INSANE! I AM PERFECTLY SANE!" As she yelled, her hands started glowing red, and sparks flew from them.

"Zephira!" Kili cried. "I'm sorry, I-I didn't know!"

She looked down at her hands, and held them in front of her. She seemed scared. Then they went out, and she sobbed and fell to the ground. 

She put her head in her hands. "I am sane." She said as she cried. "I have to be."

Kili sat down beside her. "It's alright."

"No, no it isn't!" She cried. "I don't care if I'm mad, being mad is perfectly fine! But I am not insane, I can't be. I can't be." She wiped tears from her dirt covered face.

Kili moved to put his arm around her. "Hey, it's okay-"

"What are you doing?" She asked, backing away from his touch. 

"I- well, I was going to comfort you."

"Why?" She asked, confused. 

"Because... You're upset."

"Of course I'm upset, I've realized that /obviously/. Why do you care that I'm upset?"

"Because I care about /you/. We all do."

"No. No you don't."

"What-"

"Witches can't love!" She cried out, and everyone heard her say it, even though they were farther off. "We don't love. We can't care. We aren't compassionate. None of those feelings." She pulled her knees up to her chest. "The only thing we feel even close to love is lust."

Kili thought about that for a minute. "We can still care about you."

"No you can't. Or, you shouldn't."

"Why?" 

"Because we can't return the feeling!" Her face crumpled again, and Kili went to touch her hand. "Stop it!" She cried, batting his hand away, but she hit him harder then she meant, and he winced and held his wrist. 

"Kili!" Fili cried suddenly, and he sprang out from the bushes. 

"Were you eavesdropping?" Zephira cried. She noticed Kili holding his wrist and her eyes widened. "Oh. Oh, Kili, I didn't mean to-"

"Stay away from him!" Fili shouted. 

Zephira winced. "I'm sorry." 

Fili instructed Kili to go see Oin and make sure his wrist was alright. 

Zephira stood there, eyes wide in fear. 

Fili rounded on her. "What are you doing here?" He spat. "What have you done for us that is beneficial?"

"I-"

"Nothing! You haven't done a thing, except eat our rations, scare the living /shit/ out of Ori, and hurt Kili!"

"I'm /sorry/, I didn't mean to h-"

"What if his wrist is messed up forever? And he can't shoot again?"

"Then-"

"It'll destroy him!"

"/Why/ are you so worked up about this? It was an /accident/! And I barely hit him, he'll be fine."

"But what if he isn't?"

"Oh for the love of Mother Mäläi... You need to /calm/ d-" she stopped. "Oh my... Do you love him? Your brother? Do you love him?"

"I- of course I love him. He's my brother."

"You know what I mean." When Fili said nothing, she gasped. "Oooh this /is/ exciting! Do the others know? Of course they do. What do they think of it?" She clapped her hands together. "Ahh, this is..." She shook her head. 

"The others know. They are fine with it." Fili said, fixing her with a steely gaze. "We aren't exactly the first in dwarven history."

Zephira scowled. "So it isn't a forbidden love? Ah, pity. That would have made things /so/ much more exciting." She cocked her head to the side, staring at him. After a minute, she said, "So have you told him yet?"

"Told him what?"

"That you like women, too?"

"I-I what?"

"Your bisexual. Not totally gay. Does Kili know?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Please." She slinked over to him. "I've seen the way you look at me when you think I'm not looking. When you think you're being sneaky. Whether you like it or not, you're fascinated by me. By my voice." She stepped even closer to him. "By my presence." Their chests were practically touching. "By my body."

Fili just stood there, fuming.

"But do you know what proves you do?"

"What?"

She tilted her head up to him. "You aren't moving away from me." She moved as though to kiss him, and he jerked away at the last second. 

He stumbled backwards and fell. He stared up at her in horror. "How do you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Change so quickly. Your emotions. You went from being sorry to being horrible in a matter of seconds."

"I simply say what I feel. If you don't like it, don't listen."

He stood up. "Wasn't planning on it." He gave her a hateful look and walked away. 

"You should know," She called after him, "I've caught him staring as well."

Fili stopped.

She stared walking to him again. "I'll be sitting, or standing, and his eyes will trace over me. Taking in every curve and line."

Fili clenched his jaw. "You're a poison."

"Then tell me, Master Dwarf, how are you all still breathing?"

"There's an antidote."

"Hmm. What is it?"

"I think the better question is 'who?'" He said as he turned around. 

She gave him that wry smile. "Ahh." She nodded and sat down on a rock. "I'm starting to like you. Maybe I'll even call you Fili instead of Sexy Blonde Dwarf. Although, if I were you, if prefer the latter. Confidence booster every time."

Fili looked at her strangely. He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it. He turned and walked away. 

Zephira sat there for a while, thinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love writing Zephira. She's so fun


	4. Bored!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Company learns some more about witches, Fili and Zephira come to an understanding.

It was raining. Pouring, actually. The company was soaked, and freezing cold. 

"Mr. Gandalf," Dori called. "Can't you do something about this deluge?"

"It is raining, Master Dori, and it will continue to rain until the rain is done." 

Zephira grinned. Gandalf never gave straight answers

"If you wish to change the weather, I suggest you find yourself another wizard."

"Are there others?" Bilbo asked. 

"There are five of us." Gandalf answered. "There are the two Blueses, whose names I have quite forgotten."

"That's reassuring," Zephira muttered to herself. 

"The head of our order is Sauramon the White. He is a close friend of mine."

"And the fifth?"

"That would be Radagast the Brown."

"Is he a great wizard? Or is he... More like you?" Bilbo asked innocently. 

Zephira snorted, and Gandalf looked a bit offended. "I think that he is a very great wizard. He is a kind soul, who prefers the company of animals to people. He guards over the Mirkwood."

"I've met him." Zephira said. "My whole clan did. He was passing through-" she stopped herself. "Passing /by/, and had dinner with Mother Mäläi."

"Who /is/ mother Mäläi?" Kili asked.

"The title is given to the Mother of the clan. Mäläi is the name of our clan, so that is the last part of her name. She is elected by the council, who is made up of the eldest witches. Our Mother is Lucretia."

"Wait. What?" 

Zephira sighed. "Every clan has a different Mother. Ours is called Mother Mäläi because our clan is Mäläi. The other clans have other names for their Mothers. There's Mother Belnurnia, Mother Ingria, lots others. Our Mothers /real/ name is Lucretia."

"Ahh." Said Kili. "That makes more sense."

"What powers does she have?" Thorin inquired. 

"She is a Prophetess, like most of us, she is a Flyer, and a Reader."

"Um, what exactly do those mean?"

Zephira rolled her eyes. "She sees the future. Gets, y'know, premonitions. She can fly, cause she's got wings, and-"

"She's got /wings/?!" Fili exclaimed.

Her lips twisted up into a smile. "Yes. Is that so hard to believe? And she can read people. I don't know how else to describe it."

"What d'you mean 'read' people?"

She gave an exasperated sigh. "I told you, I don't know how to describe it! She..." She searched for the right words. "Ahh... She reads you emotions? And sort of your thoughts, not them exactly, just sort of if your thoughts suddenly go dark or light, that sort of thing." 

"She is powerful?"

"Very,"

"Dangerous?"

"Obviously,"

"But you trust her?"

"Yes," She said slowly.

"How much?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"I am simply curious."

Zephira said nothing. 

"How much do you trust her?"

"As much as you all trust me, and a bit."

That shut up everyone for a while. 

Then Balin cleared his throat. "Is she... Ah... Insane?"

Fili and Kili stiffened, thinking she was going to freak out again, but she only tilted her head to the side, like a little bird. 

"'Insane.' What a strange word indeed. If someone is insane, would that not mean that they are /in/ sane? Meaning in sanity? Meaning they are in fact sane? I think a better word would be outsane. Meaning, out of sane, meaning out of sanity. Yes, that word makes much more sense.

"I think the "in" means "not"... As in, not sane."

" Hmm....that makes sense I suppose."

Later that day, they came to an abandoned farm. "We will rest here for the night." Thorin announced. "Fili, Kili, tend to the ponies. Zephira, go with them. Oin, Gloin, get a fire going."

Gandalf had walked up to the house, which was little more than a wooden frame with half a wall on the far side. "A farmer and his family lived here..."  
He turned. "I think it would be wise to move on."

Zephira didn't hear anything said after that, her and Fili and Kili had taken the ponies to a meadow. They sat around, watching them. They got up, walked around, kept watching them. 

Fili heard a chopping sound, and ran back to the ponies. 

Zephira was hacking her sword (which Fili hadn't seen before) on a tree. 

"What are you doing?!" He cried. 

"Bored!" She yelled. She whirled and started hacking at another tree. 

"Stop it!"

She stopped, and flopped down on the grass. "I'm bored."

"Yes, you said that."

"I want to /do/ something."

"So... Go do something."

"Well I /was/, but you made me stop. Now I'm more bored then before."

Fili looked at her. "Where did your sword come from?"

"What sword?"

"The one you were just... Where did it go?"

Zephira grinned. "Magic,"

"Really?"

She raised an eyebrow. "What else?"

"Where does it go when you aren't using it?"

"It's still here." She said, propping herself up on her elbows and patting her hip. "You just can't see it."

"It's invisible."

"/Yes/," She said obviously. "All my weapons are."

"'All'? How many do you have?"

"My sword, a small axe, bow and arrows, a few throwing knives..."

His eyes widened. "All of that?"

"Yeah,"

"Why?"

"Why all the weapons or why are they invisible?"

"Both,"

"I can use them all, so why not have them? And it comes in handy when people think you are unarmed all the time."

"But wot people find it odd that you don't carry any?"

"That's why I've got this." She said, rolling the other way onto her side to  
show a hunting knife hidden under her traveling cloak. "And most people think that witches don't carry weapons. That we just fight with spells."

"And do you?"

"Occasionally. With other witches, if that sort of thing happens. It's a bit harder to fight someone who's using an actual weapon with just spells." She paused. "Are you no longer upset with me?"

"Hmm?"

"You were so mad at me yesterday. Now you're not. Why?"

He thought for a moment. "I suppose I still am, but not as much. And I realized that none of it is really your fault. You can't control when you go ins- /mad/. Er, can you?"

"No." She said softly. "I can't."

"Then I shouldn't have gotten so worked up. I-" He cleared his throat. "I just don't want anything happening to Kili."

Zephira nodded. "I would say I understand, but..."

"You don't."

"I /can't/. There's a difference."

"Mm." He said. The stayed where they were for a bit, Fili standing above her, Zephira half sitting up.

Then they heard Kili. "Zephira? Fili?"

"Yeah?" His brother called back. 

"C'mere for a minute." They walked over to find the younger dwarf staring at the ponies. "Count them." He said. 

Zephira counted them in her head. "I... We're two short!"

"We can't be." Fili said. 

"Count them yourself then."

He did. "We're two short. Where'd they go?! We were right here the /whole time/."

"I don't know." Kili said. They all stood there, staring. 

Bilbo came over, balancing three bowls of soup. "Here you go." He said, holding them out awkwardly. They didn't move. "I- what's the matter?"

"We've encountered a slight problem." Fili said. 

"We /had/ 16 ponies." Continued Kili.

"But now we only have 14." Zephira finished.

They all went around and counted the horses. "Daisy and Bongo are missing." Kili said. 

"Well that's... Not good." Bilbo said. They came to an uprooted tree. "And that is /not/ good at all. Shouldn't we tell Thorin?"

"Uh, no." Fili said. "Lets not worry him. As our official burglar, we thought you might want to look into it."

"Well, uh, it looks as though something big uprooted these trees."

"That was our thinking." Kili said with a nod. 

"Something, I mean, very big. Possibly /quite/ dangerous."

"Sounds fun." Zephira said. 

"Hey!" Fili said suddenly. "There's a light. Over here!" He called the others over quietly and they hid behind a fallen tree.

They heard spitting and laughing, and saw a fire roasting in the distance.

"What is it?" Asked the hobbit. 

"Trolls," Zephira said, and she leaped over the tree. Fili and Kili followed after her, and then Bilbo, still carrying the soup. 

They dashed behind bushes as a troll went lumbering by, carrying two more ponies in it's arms. "It's got Myrtle and Minty!" Bilbo cried. "I think they're going to eat them, we have to do something!"

Kili nodded. "Yes. You should!" He got up and pushed Bilbo forwards. "Mountain trolls are slow and stupid, you're so small they'll never see you!"

"Me?! No! No, no, no!"

"Yes!" Zephira said. "You'll be fine! We'll be right behind you!" She took her bowl of soup, and the brothers took theirs. 

"If anything bad should happen," Fili said. "Hoot once like a barn owl and twice like a brown owl."

"Once like a.. Brown.. Twice like a ... What?" Bilbo turned, but the three had already vanished.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gay jokes are made, and trolls capture everyone

Chapter 5

"This soup isn't that bad." Kili said. 

"Eh, I've had better." Zephira said, curling her lip. 

"Does nothing please you?" He asked with a small laugh. 

She raised an eyebrow seductively. "I am not so hard to please in certain ways, Master Kili." 

Kili blushed and Fili snorted, then started choking on his soup. "Ugh, you made me choke!" 

They all looked at each other, then started laughing like idiots. 

"Oh- oh!" Zephira cried, clutching her side. "And you- you're gay so it-it makes it /so/ much more... Ahh!" She started laughing again, and fell off the log she was sitting on.

They all took a moment to calm themselves down, Zephira wiping tears from her eyes. 

Then a thought occurred to Kili: "Bilbo's been some time. Should we go check on him?"

"I'm sure he's fine." Fili said. 

"No, Kili's right." Zephira said, standing up. "I'll go check."

She walked off to the direction Bilbo had set off. 

"...over the fire! Make him /squeal/!" She heard a troll say. She saw Bilbo dangling from the beasts hand.

"Rahh!" She cried, jumping out of the bushes, her sword appearing at her side. She swung it at the nearest trolls leg, (there were apparently three) and it cried out. 

"Drop him!" She yelled. 

"You /wot/?" 

She grinned. "I said, /drop him/." She only just realized what she had said when Bilbo came crashing down on her. 

Luckily, Fili and Kili had gone and gotten the rest of the Company, and they all came charging in, swords and axes swinging. 

"Get /off/ of me, /hobbit/!" Zephira cried as she struggled.

"Sorry! I'm trying!" He hopped up, and held out his hand to Zephira to help her up, which she promptly ignored. She went charging towards the trolls. 

The fight was going fairly well, in her opinion. That is, until two trolls picked Bilbo up and threatened to yank his arms off unless they all dropped their weapons. 

They all did, Zephira more reluctantly then the rest. 

Not five minutes later, half the company was tied to a large spit over the fire, the the other half was lying in sacks on the ground. 

Zephira was squished unpleasantly into Oin's side, her back and upper body resting on Thorin's lap. 

"Well," she said, looking back at him, "I've been in worse positions."

"Oh, shut up." He mumbled, but he couldn't hide the blush that rose to his cheeks. 

"I don't fancy being turned to stone!" A troll said. 

Zephira's head whipped around. Of course! She saw Bilbo wriggle his way to an upright position. "No, no. You're doing it all wrong!"

"What?" A troll asked. 

"Well... Have you smelt them? You're going to need a lot more then sage to season this lot up."

"Oi!" She cried. 

"Your going about it all wrong," Bilbo explained. "

"There's no use reasoning with them!" Bofur called. "They're half-wits!"

"Half-wits? What's that make us?!" Zephira cried. 

"You, um, obviously don't know the secret to cooking dwarf."

"And you do?" Asked the first troll. 

"Um. Yes?"

A troll started protesting, but the first said, "Let the, uh, flurgaburgerahobbit talk."

"The uh, secret to cooking dwarf, is... Um..."

"Yes? Come on!"

"Um...." 

"Tell us the secret!"

"Yes, yes, /I'm telling you/! The secret is... To... Skin them first."

"WHAT?!" The witch shrieked. The rest of the company was outraged as well. 

"I'll get you!" Gloin growled, wriggling around in his sack.

"Tom, get me filleting knife." Said the first troll.

"What a load of rubbish!" The third troll said. "I've eaten plenty of dwarf with their skins on, boots and all!"

"He's right!" Said Tom. He walked over to Zephira and picked her up. "Nothing wrong with a bit of raw dwarf!"

"Nononono! Not that one, she's not even a dwarf!"

"What?" The troll holding her asked. "What is she then?"

"I'm a witch you blithering idiot!" She screamed. She realized what she said and winced. 

"Witch? She's a witch?! We can't eat witches! They're poisonous!" The second troll cried. 

Tom dropped her and she landed in the other dwarves with a thud. 

"We can't let her go!" The first one said. "Just sit on her already and we'll be rid of her."

Zephira's eyes widened. "No! No! Um. Did I say witch? I meant man. I am a... Man." She made a bit of a face.

"Then we can eat them all!" Tom cried happily, and went to pick Bombur up.

"Not that one!" Bilbo cried. "He-he's infected. He's got worms in his... Tubes."

Tom cried out in disgust and dropped him, who landed on top of the dwarves as well. 

"In-in fact they all do! They're all filled with parasites! Nasty business, I wouldn't risk it, I really wouldn't."

"Parasites? Did he say we have parasites?" Oin called.

"He did!" Kili said. "We don't have parasites, you have parasites!" All the dwarves started yelling again. 

Bilbo sighed, and Thorin realized what he was doing. 

He kicked Kili in the back. They all stopped shouting, and realized what was going on. 

"I've got parasites... As big as me /arm/!" Oin yelled. 

"Mine are the biggest parasites, I've got HUGE parasites!" Kili shouted. 

They all started yelling again, saying that they were "riddled with parasites" and "yes, yes, we are!"

Bilbo nodded and looked over at the trolls. 

"What would you have us do then?" Asked the first troll. "Let them all go?"

"Weeeell..." Bilbo said tentatively.

"You think I don't know what you're up to?" He turned to his brothers. "This little /ferrets/ taking us for fools!"

"/Ferret/?!" Bilbo exclaimed. 

The trolls growled, but suddenly Gandalf (who Zephira only just noticed had been missing) appeared on top of a large rock. "The dawn will take you all!" He cried. 

"Who's that?" Asked Tom. 

"No clue. Can we eat him too?"

Gandalf slammed his staff down on the rock and it split in half, revealing the rising sun behind it. 

The trolls screamed, and as the sunlight touched their skin, they started hardening. After mere seconds, they had turned to stone. 

"Well!" Zephira grumbled. "I'd say that was fun, except Kili's currently elbowing me in the ribs, and someone's sticking their boot into my thigh." 

There were mumbled apologies and some shuffling around as they tried to get up. 

"/OW/! Kili! Now you're elbowing me in the goddamn ti-"

"Zephira!"


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Company runs from wargs, and Zephira and Thorin have a bit of a moment

"Where did you go to, if I may ask?" Thorin said to Gandalf.

"To look ahead."

"What brought you back?"

"Looking behind."

Thorin gave him a small smile and nodded his head. 

"Nasty business," Gandalf continued. "But your still all in one piece."  
"No thanks to your burglar." Thorn said rudely. 

"He had the nerves to play for time. None of the rest of you thought of that." 

Thorin bowed his head. 

Zephira walked over then, staring at the trolls. "They must have come down from the Ettenmoors."

Thorin frowned. "Since when do mountain trolls venture this far south?"

"Not for an age." She said. 

"Not since a darker power ruled these lands." Gandalf said softly. 

The three exchanged glances before Zephira cleared her throat. "They could not have moved in daylight."

"There must be a cave nearby." The dwarf said excitedly. He moved off, and soon they found the Troll-hoard. 

Gandalf, Thorin, Bilbo, Nori, Gloin and Bofur went in, the rest staying outside. 

They soon came out, Thorin and Gandalf carrying new elf-made swords. Bilbo, too, was carrying a hobbit-sized sword. 

"What's that?" Zephira asked him. 

Bilbo shrugged. "Sword," 

"Well yes, I can see that. But where'd you find it?"

"The ground."

"/Hell/!" She exclaimed. "I refuse to go in a place that smells like it's been used as a toilet for a decade, and you find bloody swords lying on the /ground/?! That's it, next time, I come in too."

Bilbo grinned and chuckled. Then his smile fell. "I've never used a sword before."

The witches face softened. "Gandalf told you about 'true courage', yes? Good. It's true, every word of it. But I will not lie to you, it is extremely difficult to take a life." She tilted her head to the side again. "Gandalf!" She cried suddenly. "Something's coming!" 

A few moments later, something came flying out of the bushes... A sled pulled by rabbits?

"Radagast!" Zephira and Gandalf said at the same time. Zephira smiled at the sight of the slightly crazed old man.

"Oh!" The Brown Wizard cried. "Gandalf! I was looking for you!" 

Zephira's smile faltered when he payed no attention to her.

The two wizards continued to have a fast-paced conversation which Zephira and the others only caught parts of. 

Then, a howl came from not too far off. 

"Wolves?!" Bilbo squeaked. 

"No, that is no wolf." Bofur said, standing up, eyes wide. "That's a-"

"Warg!" Thorin yelled, and the giant dog leapt from the underbrush. 

It jumped over the Company's heads, and by the time it's feet touched the ground, it had an arrow sticking out of it's head. It fell, dead. 

Kili looked confused, his own arrow was still notched in his bow. He turned to see Zephira standing behind him, arms still extended with her bow out in front of her. 

"Lets move," She said, but she sounded shaken. 

"I'll lead them away." Radagast said. 

"These are Gundabad Wargs." The witch explained. "They'll outrun you!"

"These are Rhosgobel Rabbits!" Radagast said with his head held high. "I'd like to see them try."

And so they began running as far away from the orcs and wargs as possible, Radagast leading them in a crazed chase. "Ha /HA/!" He laughed. "Come and get me!"

He was forced to take several sharp turns to avoid being caught, which caused the Company to double back around and hide behind large boulders. 

At one point, Ori ran out too far. "Ori, /no/!" Thorin cried, pulling him back. The young dwarfs eyes were wide in terror. 

Then, as they hid under a boulder, a single Orc and his warg climbed on top. 

Thorin locked eyes with Kili, who nodded and closed his eyes for a moment, nocking an arrow. Then he jumped out and fired it. The Orc fell, and soon another arrow had pierced its warg. 

They both fell, screaming, and the dwarves set to work killing them. With every screech, Zephira winced. The others /had/ to know where they were now. 

When the warg and it's rider we're finally dead, she very rudely said, "Could you have /been/ any louder?"

"Come on," Thorin said. "Run!" They did as they were told. 

The Orc pack chased after them. They were surrounded. "Kili!" Thorin yelled. "Shoot them!"

His nephew did as he was told, and Zephira scowled. "He's not the only one with a bow!" She called. Without waiting another moment, she began firing arrows as well, but they were still outnumbered. 

"Where's Gandalf?" Nori yelled. 

"He's abandoned us! Hold your ground!"

The Company stood in a sort of circle, Kili and Zephira shooting at anything they could, the rest of the dwarves killing anything that came too close. 

"There's too many!" Zephira cried. 

Just then, Gandalf appeared, poking his head out from the rocks. "This way, you fools!" He called, and disappeared again. 

"Go!" Thorin yelled. The first few dwarves followed after the wizard, down a crevice they hasn't seen before. The next few went, and Thorin had to kill a warg that tried to follow them. 

Soon only Zephira and Kili were left. Thorin called for them, and his nephew quickly ran to the rocks. 

Zephira stayed out, shooting. Thorin called her name, but she didn't move. He glanced down, fighting the urge to leave her. He sighed and ran out to her, calling her name. 

A warg and its rider came close to her, and she pulled out her sword and fought it. She killed the warg easily, but the Orc was proving harder. Thorin threw his axe and it hit it in the chest. He pulled it out when he got there, grabbed Zephira and practically dragged her back down the hole with him.

She kicked and struggled. "What were you /doing/?" He hissed. 

"I could've handled them." She snapped. Just then, a horn sounded from outside. The sounds of blades swinging and orcs screaming echoed down into the crevice. An Orc fell down, dead, an arrow in his neck. 

Thorin pulled it out. "Elves," He spat. 

Meanwhile, Dwalin had started down the passage way. "I can't see where the path leads! Do we follow it or no?"

"Follow it o'course!" Bofur said and started walking. 

They walked down the path single-file, for it was too narrow to walk side by side. The witch and dwarf king walked at the back.

Zephira walked in front of Thorin, and he couldn't help but noticed the way she walked: shoulders thrown back, chest out, head held high like she was the most important being to have walked Middle Earth. She arms swung back and forth in time with her hips. In other words, she was all attitude. 

He was too distracted by her... 'Hips' to notice when she started limping. In fact, he only noticed she had been struggling when she collapsed backwards, falling against him. 

"Zephira?" He asked. "Are you alright."

"Ah," She gasped. "My leg!"

Thorin looked down, and saw her bleeding. "What happened?!"

"The orc. Guess he got a lucky hit."

"You've been walking with this the whole time?" She nodded. "Why? /How/?"

"Didn't want to worry anyone. And, I'm just tough." She grinned. "Tougher then I look."

At that moment, she didn't look tough at all. Her eyes were watery, face tired, and her body was sagging. 

"Can you walk?"

She shrugged. "If I have to, I will."

He nodded, and helped her stand up straight again. She took a few steps, then her leg gave out totally and se fell with a cry of pain. "Make that a no." She said with a wince. 

Thorin looked around. The path was too narrow for him to help her walk. "I'll carry you, I suppose."

"Um, no. No, that's alright." She said quickly. "I'll just... Wait here..."

He gave her a look. 

"Fine." She said, making a face. She held her arms up, and he helped her to her feet, then gently scooped her up in his arms, one arm under her knees, the other beneath her back. 

"You're not as heavy as you look." He said, surprised. 

She made a face. "Are you saying I look fat?"

"What? No! I just... You're very light."

She gave him a small smile. "Light bones, I guess." 

He looked confused. "I... Alright then." He shifted her wait in his arms as he walked. "You have really bony shoulders."

"If you're going to complain the whole time, I'd rather walk."

Thorin gave a small laugh. "I was a just making an observation."

"Well, stop."

"Alright then, Your Highness." He mocked lightly. 

She twisted her lips in a grin. "I like the sound of that." She sat up straighter in his arms. "Queen Zephira. Oh yes. I was born to rule."

Thorin snorted. "I would bow, but I would probably drop you."

"Hmm, you'll have to bow later then, to make up for it."

He laughed again. "Alright then."

She settled back into his arms. "Queen Zephira," She murmured, eyes closing. "That does sound lovely."

"Yes, but the only way you'd ever be Queen is if you married me."

Her eyes flew open, and Thorins grew wide when he realized what he said. 

"Oh, um-"

"I didn't mean it like-"

"I barely even like you-"

"I meant to say-"

"Despise you, actually-"

"All I meant was-"

"Can't even love, so-"

"Theoretically, was all I meant- wait, /what/?"

Zephira coughed awkwardly. "Erm, you didn't know? Witches can't love."

Thorins brow furrowed. "Why?"

"I don't /know/. It's just always been like that. We're rarely even around men. And when we are, we tend to take advantage of the o-" She stopped herself. She cleared her throat. "I'm rambling, pay no attention to me."

Thorin frowned. "What were you going to say? Something about taking advantage of... Oh. /Oh/, you mean that-"

"Um, this is getting awkward, maybe-"

"You're barely around men, so when you are, you have to..."

"/Thorin/-"

"...Mate,"

"/Emer/, Thorin!"

"What?"

"'What' what?"

"What's Emer mean?"

"Ohh!" Zephira said, and laughed. "Emer is our goddess."

"Goddess?"

"Yes, you have them too, yeah? 'Mahal', I think."

"Right,"

"Right."

There was another awkward silence between the two of them. 

After walking for who knows how long, the Company stopped, sat down awkwardly in the narrow path, and passed food and water around.

There were strange looks towards Thorin and Zephira as he set her down as gently as possible. 

Thorin cleared his throat before saying, "She's hurt her leg. Someone tell Oin."

The message was passed down to the old deaf dwarf, who sighed and squeezed his way down to the injured girl. He cleaned her wound and dressed it, then wrapped it up. "It's not too deep," He said. "But it'll be hard to walk on for a while. Thorin, you may have to carry her for a but longer."

Thorin nodded. "Alright, I can do that."

After they had all rested and eaten, the Company got up. 

Kili and Fili, who were at the front, took off quickly, eager to get out of the suffocating passage.

After a while, Kili jumped on his brothers back, wrapping his legs around his waist, pointed down the path and cried, "ONWARDS!" Fili took off running, leaving the Company behind.

This caused a few dwarves to give them odd looks, and more to collapse again with laughter. 

Zephira laughed so hard, Thorin had to set her down so he wouldn't drop her. When she had regained proper breathing, he picked her back up and started walking again. They had fallen behind, no one behind them and no one ahead close enough to see.

Zephira was still chuckling to herself when she said, "Your nephews are... One of a kind."

Thorin smiled softly. "Yes. That they are." His smile lost some of its joy, and sadness replaced it. "I just wish things were easier for them."

"What do you mean?"

"Others aren't so..." He sought for the right word. "/Understanding/ of their relationship as we are."

"Huh," she said quietly. 

"They think it's wrong for them to love each other. That's it's wrong for two men to love each other, in the first place, and because they're brothers..." He shook his head. "They'll probably never be married."

Zephira bit her lip and looked up at him sadly. "That is rather sad." Then she gave him a small smile. "When you're king, you can change things. You can allow them to marry."

Thorin looked down at her, not sure if she was serious or not. When he saw that she was, he gave her a small smile in return. "We haven't reclaimed Erebor yet."

"But we will."

"How do you know?" His heart beat quickened. "Did you see-"

"No, I haven't. I'm sorry. I haven't seen that yet."

"'Yet?'"

"Yet." She grinned up at him. "I'm expecting to."

"I hope you don't."

Her face fell. "What?"

"I don't want to know how this all ends."

"Why? I thought-"

"I've changed my mind. You're right, it's better not to know."

She nodded. "That's wise."

"You said it first."

"I know. I am wise as well."

"And humble."

"Very,"

They grinned at each other, and Thorin noticed for the first time that Zephira was rather pretty. She would probably be beautiful, he thought, if she wasn't constantly dirty.

He also noticed that their faces were very close. If he bent his head down a bit more, he could probably kiss her...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was probably my favourite chapter to write, just FYI. 
> 
> And Merry Christmas everyone!


	7. Chapter 7

"Ah, um. So." Thorin stuttered. 

"So,"

"Your, uh, visions. How... Do they work?"

"What?" 

"I'm curious!"

"Well... I'm not sure, they're hard to explain. I... Well, as you've probably noticed, I get a horrible headache. It feels like someone's splitting my skull open with a hammer. That's why I scream. And I hear a sort of ringing sound, like there's all sorts of bells in my head, clanging around."

Thorin was silent, intent on listening. 

"Then, all I hear is a white noise. It's everywhere, I can't block it out. Then, I see things. Sometimes whole scenes, sometimes flashes, sometimes I can only hear what's going on, other times I can only see, there is no sound. It's rather frustrating, honestly."

"Sounds like it."

"Then, all at once, I'm back in the present. And it's all gone. The pain, the noise. And I have to remember all I can of what just happened."

"Do all your visions happen in the future? Or can you see people pasts?"

"I can do both."

"That's amazing."

Zephira seemed to blush slightly. "Not really. Not in my clan. I'm barely considered an amateur."

Thorin thought for a moment. "Your clan... They are not like you? I mean, they have different powers?"

"Yes. We all have different ones. Mixtures, most of us."

"What are all of yours?"

"I am a Prophetess, obviously, and an Enchantress, a Speaker, and I'm a bit of a Reader and Syren."

"And what do all of those mean?"

"You already know what a Prophetess is, and Enchantress is simply a witch who casts spells. Yes, that means that some can't, but nearly every witch is one. A Speaker is someone who speaks to others in their minds."

"You can do that?!"

/Yes/. Came a voice in his head. 

"Does that mean you can read my thoughts as well?"

/No/. "But," Zephira said out loud, "I am a bit of a Reader, so sometimes I can get a general feel of what people are feeling or thinking."

Thorin swallowed, thinking of his earlier thoughts of her. "Not always, though?"

"No. Only occasionally. Less since I..." She let her voice trail off. 

"I see,"

"Mmm,"

"And a Syren? What is that?"

Zephira raised an eyebrow. "You don't know? Surely you've heard of Syrens before!"

"Well, only in stories I was told as a child."

"Tell me what you know about them."

"They enchant men with their voices. Control them. That's... All of what I know."

"Interesting. But, you are wrong. Partially. Syrens /do/ use their voices, but not to control people, and they work on both men and women. They can do almost anything with their voices, from causing pain, to healing wounds, to simply calming someone."

"And you can do all that?"

"Me? Oh, Mäläi no! I'm not nearly advanced enough for that! My voice just seems to affect people more then a regular voice does. For example, I can sing people to sleep sometimes, or excite them, or calm them."

Thorin looked down at the tiny girl in his arms. "You are more powerful then you may seem, Zephira." This time he was sure he saw her blush. He adjusted her in his arms again. "/Mahal/ but your shoulders are bony! Do you have extra bones or something?!"

Her eyes widened. "What?" She looked scared 

"I'm only teasing, love, don't get worked up!"

"I'm not getting- did you just call me love?"

"Oh. Um, I didn't mean it like that it's just a sort of term-"

"It's not like I found it rude or anything, I just-"

"If you don't want me to or-"

"I didn't particularly /mind/, but-"

"I didn't mean that you were /my/ love, obviously-"

"Obviously, erm-"

"But it's not like you-"

"/Emer/ but this passage is long-"

"Never ending, it would seem..."

"...You could set me down now, if you'd like."

"Oh. Um, alright, if you're sure you're alright?"

"Hmm? Oh. Yes, I'm fine now! I think."

"I just don't want you to hurt yourself more..."

"I'll be fine."

"Um. Did I say something that offended-?"

"Oh! No! No, um, it's not like I don't /want/ you to carry me..."

"Because I'm fine with continuing it..."

"I just don't want to burden you more..."

"You aren't a burden."

"...thank you?" Thorin set her down, and she took a few shaky steps. "I think I'm alright."

"That's good."

"Yeah, um..."

"We should keep walking?"

"Yes! We need to catch up."

They did, and soon the path widened, then opened up completely to the most beautiful valley Zephira had ever seen. 

"Rivendell," Bilbo breathed beside her. 

"The Last Homely House." She said. 

Thorin scowled, his previous good mood long gone. He had a heated talk with Gandalf, but, as usual, the wizard won, and they climbed down to the Elven city. 

An Elf greeted Gandalf. "Mithrandir," He said. They began speaking, both in Elvish and in the tongue of man, but Zephira was too busy admiring the scenery to pay much attention. That is, until a horn sounded and a hunting group of elves came riding towards them. 

The dwarves cried out and pulled Bilbo and Zephira into the middle of them, weapons at the ready as the Elves circled them. 

One climbed down from his horse and went over to Gandalf. He called him "Mithrandir" as well, and they spoke together. Then Thorin started being rude, and Zephira pushed her way to the front. 

"Thorin!" She scolded. "Be nice."

The Elf, Elrond, smiled at the witch. "Zephira. Nae saian luume'" *It has been too long*.

She nodded her head. "Lle maa quel." *You look good*.

He raised an eyebrow. "Are you flirting?"

She grinned. "When am I not?"

"You can speak Elvish?" Thorin asked her. 

"Yes," She said, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

Elrond spoke to Thorin in Elvish, and Zephira smiled. 

"What is he saying?" Gloin growled. "Does he offer us insult?"

"No, Master Gloin, he is offering you food." Gandalf said. 

"Oh. Well, in that case, lead on."

They ate at a large stone table, laden with food.

Zephira and Gandalf sat to Elronds left and right. "Ias na lí toron?" He asked her. *where is your brother?*

She looked down at her hands. "Qualin," she said softy. *dead*

Elronds face looked saddened. "Im goheno nîn." *I am sorry*

"Hannon le, mellon nîn." *Thank you, my friend.*

"Manna a má?" *When and where?*

"Goblins." She said, not bothering to speak in Elvish. "Not too long ago."

"Ánin aspenë. Ni-" *forgive me. I-*

Zephira stood up suddenly. "Excuse me, I feel tired suddenly. I think I'll just retire to my room for a bit." She left, leaving the whole table staring after her. 

She went to the room given to her, sat down on the edge of her bed, and cried. She cried for an hour, and when Fili and Kili walked by, they stopped. Hearing her heart-broken sobs, they entered without even knocking. 

"Zephira? Are you alright?"

"N-no." She sobbed. "I-I miss him. M-my brother, Aramis. He-he was... Was..." She broke down again, curling up on her side, her knees up to her chest. 

Kili sat down close to her, wanting to pull her up and hug her, but knowing she wouldn't allow it. "Zephira." He said softly. "If you want to talk, you can talk to us."

She sniffed, and sat up. Her eyes were red, and so full of sadness Kili thought his heart was going to break. "He was a Man. Only my half-brother. He was only 17. We were captured in the mountains. He was so brave." She closed her eyes. "I watched him die. I-I watched them..." She bit down on her lip. After a minute, she tasted blood. She focused on the pain. "I almost gave up after that. Almost let myself die as well. I knew I was Broken. I... I couldn't think of a reason good enough to hold on any longer. I was going to let them kill me." She looked up at them. "Then I had a vision. Of you all. Your quest. And I knew I had to stay."

The brothers were at a loss for words. 

Zephira sniffed again. "Um. I know I've always said that I don't want any of you to care about me, or comfort me, but right now... I /really/ want you too."

Without a moments pause, Kili hugged her tight, holding her close. She wrapped her arms around him, sobbing into his shoulder. Fili sat down on her other side and hugged her as well, resting his head on her back. 

They sat like that for a while, Kili gently stroking her hair, Fili murmuring gently into her shoulder. 

She cried until her throat burned and her eyes ran out of tears. After a while, Zephira stopped crying. She wiped her eyes, then sighed and said, "I think I need a bath."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lordy Lordy, the awkwardness in this chapter! It was rather easy for me to write.... 
> 
> And I know that my elvish is extremely limited, but I can't find a good translator and I don't know anyone who's fluent unfortunately. 
> 
> If you can help with that problem, pleeeasse do!


	8. Clean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zephira shocks everyone by taking a bath, and Thorin may or may not have been flirting.

Kili laughed. "No offence, but I think that's a really good idea."

She laughed softly. "I am rather dirty, aren't I?"

"Yes," The brothers said at the same time. 

"I should wash my clothes, too."

"We can take them." Fili offered. "We were all gonna wash ours, anyways."

"Okay," She said. "Thanks."

She went into her bathroom, stripped off her dirt-coated clothes, and threw them out to the dwarves. 

"Have you got extras?" Kili asked. 

"I'll find something." She called out. 

The bothers left, and she ran herself a warm, deep bath. She lowered herself in, and scrubbed herself until her skin was raw. Then she washed her hair, and brushed it. 

When she got out, the water was black. She looked at it with disgust. She dried herself off and found that someone had lain out clothes on her bed. 

She put them on, just a large, light white shirt and brown leggings, and combed her hair again. She dried it with a cloth she found, and braided sections of it, pulling the rest back with a clip. 

When she deemed herself presentable, she went to go find the dwarves .

They had made a small campfire and found some sausages, so they decided to roast them while waiting for their clothes to dry. 

Bofur plucked a sausage off the stick he was cooking it on, and raised it too his lips. Before he took a bite, he saw Bombur sitting on a table that was barely holding his weight. "Bombur!" He called, and tossed the meat to him. Bombur caught it, and the table groaned. 

He looked down, and the table collapsed. He fell right on his ass, and the dwarves broke down in laughter. Bofur laughed so hard he fell over. 

Zephira had just walked in then, and laughed along with the dwarves. She walked in and sat down, leaving the dwarves staring at her. 

"What?" She asked. 

"You... You're /clean/!" Bofur exclaimed. 

"Gee, thanks."

"No no no! I mean, it suits you."

She smiled and started roasting a sausage. The dwarves continued to stare. She looked so different! Her hair was lighter, /way/ lighter, nearly blonde, her skin was pale and smooth, and her face seemed more delicate. Even, some of them thought, beautiful. 

"Where's Thorin and Bilbo and Balin and Gandalf?" She asked. 

"They're with Elrond." Nori called. 

"Doing what?"

"Dunno. Figuring out the map."

"And they didn't invite me?" She asked teasingly.

"Well," Bofur said. "You did run off earlier."

"Oh yes. Right, forgot."

She sat with her back against the wall, knees bent, and had (out of habit) left the top three buttons of her shirt undone. While there was no one there she particularly wanted to flirt with, she made sure enough cleavage was showing. 

Nori was the first to take notice of her clothes. "Where'd you get those, lass?"

"Found em on my bed. Why?"

"Well, the shirts about three sizes too big for you, and I've never seen you in pants before, so..."

"Oh, well, they aren't mine."

Ori whispered to his brother. "The shirt looks like Thorins."

"What was that?" Zephira asked. 

"Oh. Um, nothing, Miss Zephira."

"Don't call me Miss. Now, what did you say?"

"I, uh, only that...well, that shirt looks a bit like... Thorins..."

"Oh," She said, surprised. "Oh."

"It could be anyone's, though." Ori continued hastily. 

"Right. It's probably not Thorins..."

"What's probably not mine?" Came a voice behind them. 

Zephira turned to see Thorin, Balin and Bilbo standing behind her. 

"Nothing," She said at the same time Ori said, "The shirt."

Thorin raised an eyebrow. "It /is/ my shirt, but I fail to see why it is so important."

Zephira blushed deep red, and there were many raised eyebrows. 

Kili broke the silence: "Where is Gandalf?"

"He was summoned."

"By?"

"The White Council. He gave us instructions. We are to leave tonight, make for the mountains, and wait for him there."

"Leave?" Fili exclaimed. "We've only just gotten here!"

"Yes, and now we're leaving." Thorin snapped. "Come on everyone, get your clothes, gather food and water."

Zephira frowned. "What happened?"

He looked over at her. "We... You're clean!"

"Yes, thank you, I think we've all established that I look quite different right now. /What happened/?"

"We figured out the map."

"And?"

"They were Moon Runes."

"Ahh, of course."

"They said, 'stand by the grey stone when the thrush knocks, and the setting sun with the last light of Durin's Day will shine upon the keyhole.'"

"Um...so-"

"We have to be standing at exactly the right place at exactly the right time." Bilbo said, quoting Balin. 

"That'll be difficult. When is Durins Day?"

"Soon. Far too soon." Thorin said with a shake of his head. 

"Then we must go at once." Kili said. 

"Yes. Now hurry up everyone. You won't want to be walking through the mountains in your underwear."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very short, I know. Sorry! I'll be updating more frequently if I can! Promise!


	9. Cut off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zephira and Thorin (unwillingly) cuddle.

Chapter 9

"Bilbo, are you coming?"

"Yes," The hobbit said sadly as he looked at Rivendell one last time. 

They walked through the mountains in the cover of darkness. 

Zephira was back into her old clothes, and had given Thorin his shirt back with a flush rising to her cheeks. He would have let her keep it, but she insisted. "Wouldn't, uh, wouldn't want anyone getting the wrong ideas about us."

But as they walked through the cold rainy mountains, she wished she had kept it, for now she was soaked to the bone, and freezing cold. She didn't even have a hood to pull up. 

Thorin saw her, dripping wet and shivering, and pulled his cloak over her so it somewhat sheltered her from the wind and rain. 

She looked up at him. "What are...? Thank you."

He only nodded. 

Bilbo slipped on the icy rocks then, nearly falling, but Bofur grabbed onto him and pulled him up. 

Then someone cried, "Look out!" And a massive boulder came hurtling towards them. It crashed against the side of the mountain and shards of rock rained down on them. 

"This is no thunderstorm!" Balin yelled. "It's a thunder battle!" He pointed, and Zephira gasped. 

"Well bless me, the legends are true!" Bofur said, stepping out from his hiding place a bit. "Giants! Stone giants!" 

At that moment, the ledge they were standing on moved, and started to split in half. The crack formed directly between Fili and Kili, underneath Kili's foot. He jumped back, and his brother yelled, "Kili! Kili, take my hand!" He reached out, but his brother paused a moment too long, and soon they were too far away. 

Kili looked on in horror as Fili was drawn away from him. Now, he was scared. He looked around, and saw that they were on the knee-caps of yet another stone giant. 

Everyone screamed as they flew through the night, gripping the rocks around them for dear life.

The rock Thorin was on slammed into a stationary mountain, and he ran off, calling the rest after him. They all got off, but the other half of the Company was still out there. 

Thorin whirled around, trying to see who was left out there.

Bombur  
Bofur.  
Bilbo.  
Fili.  
Zephira.

The giant got hit by the others, and started to fall. It's knees bent, and went slamming into the side of the mountain, the company screaming and shouting. 

As it bounced off and continued to fall, Thorin saw that it's knees were bare. 

"No!" He yelled. "Fili!"

He went running towards where they fell. He rounded a corner... And saw them lying unharmed. He sighed in relief. 

"Where'd Bilbo? Where's the hobbit?" Bofur cried.

Zephira got up shakily and looked around. "There!" She called, pointing to the edge of the cliff.

Bilbo was dangling off the side, hanging on by his fingers. 

Bofur and Ori dove towards him just as he slipped, and grabbed his arms. They tried to pull him up, but couldn't quite pull hard enough. 

Thorin leaped down onto a lower ledge and grabbed the hobbit by the back of his vest. He threw him up to safety, and went to pull himself up, but his footing slipped and he started to fall.

Zephira's hand went to her chest and she gasped.

Dwalin grabbed his friend and hauled him up.

Zephira let out her breath and allowed herself to breathe. 

"I thought we'd lost our burglar." Dwalin said.

"He's been lost ever since he walked out his door." Thorin snapped. "He never should have come. He has no place amongst us."

Bilbo's face fell, and Zephira looked at Thorin sharply. "Thorin!" She scolded, but he acted he didn't hear her.

"We need to rest for the night. Find a cave."

They did, and after Dwalin checked to back, Thorin told everyone to get some sleep. "We leave at morning light."

"We are to wait for Gandalf!" Balin said. 

"Plans change." 

"Lets get a fire going!" Gloin said to his brother.

"No. No fires in here." Thorin said. 

"We'll freeze!" Zephira said, still shivering from the cold. 

"Share sleeping bags then. Bofur, you take first watch."

There was some shuffling around, and soon the dwarves, witch and hobbit were laying down. 

Kili and Fili were nearly asleep already, the older laying with his head against the others chest. He had one arm flung across his brothers stomach, his other hand entwined with Kili's. Kili was stroking his bothers hair, slowly falling asleep himself. 

Zephira looked over at them, and smiled to herself. Fili's cheek was somewhat squished under him, and it made him look younger, more innocent. And (strangely) adorable. 

Zephira had crawled in beside Thorin. By process of elimination, she was stuck with him. They both lay on their sides, not touching. 

"Thorin," She whispered. "You're allowed to touch me. You can't be comfortable laying so stiffly."

Thorin paused, then allowed himself to inch forewords slightly so her back was touching his stomach, and he lay an arm over her. 

She cuddled back into him, and he made a sound of protest. "What?" She asked. 

"Um... Nothing."

She fell asleep quickly after that, and Thorin listened to the even sounds of her breathing, unable to sleep himself. 

He noticed her shirt had ridden up, and slowly moved his hand to pull it back down over her hip. When his hand touched her cold, bare skin she flinched, and he stopped. When she made no other noises, he pulled it down. He went to move his hand away, but she suddenly grabbed it with her own. 

"You're warm." She said, pulling his hand up to her chest to cradle against her skin. 

"Er..."

"Do you mind?"

"...No,"

"Good," She rolled over so she was facing him, and cuddled up even closer to his chest. "I'm so cold." 

Her body seemed to fit perfectly next to his. She had curled up into a ball, her shins resting against the top of his thighs, her head fitting in the curve if his shoulder and neck. 

"Zephira..." He said softly. 

"Yes?" She breathed, still clutching his hand.

"I..." He gulped, and opened his mouth to say more. 

"Where do you think you're goin?" Came a voice behind them. 

"Back to Rivendell." Bilbo whispered. 

"What?! You can't go! You're one of us now!" Bofur whispered back. 

"But I'm not, am I? Thorin said it himself, I don't belong here!"

Thorin seemed to deflate when he heard the hobbit say those words. Zephira looked up at him and squeezed his hand gently. 

"You're homesick! I understand!"

"No, no you /don't/ understand! None of you do! You're use to this life, to moving around, never staying anywhere, not belonging anywhere!"

Bofurs face fell, and Bilbo immediately regretted saying that. "I, uh, I'm..."

"No, you're right." Bofur looked back sadly at his sleeping family. "We don't belong anywhere." He turned back to Bilbo and clapped him on the shoulder affectionately. "I wish you all the luck in the world. I really do."

Bilbo nodded his thanks. Then, a strange sound rang through the cave. 

Bofur looked behind him. "What's that?" 

The sand seemed to be moving away from a crack along the bottom of the cave...

"Get up! Everyone, wake up!" Thorin cried, leaping to his feet and pulling Zephira up with him. 

Everyone jerked awake, just in time for the ground beneath them to give out and fall. 

They tumbled down a passage, falling all over each other and yelling until they finally free-fell into a wooden bowl-like thing. 

"Whoo!" Zephira laughed. "Now /that/ was- AAAHHH!" She screamed as suddenly something grabbed her and hauled her away. 

Goblins!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit short? Sorry. Anyways, here's some fluff. Awhh.


End file.
